short but sweet

I need to preface this by saying that I had started writing something, stopped, and got to it quite a few weeks later. so this wasn't written in may, but mid-june.

so much has gone on and I haven't been able to speak of it. privacy has gone out the window, for one.

we finally made the move back home to hawaii 2 weeks ago. it's wonderful and amazing and I can't even begin to express how glad I am to be home. we spent almost 2 weeks getting from denver to hawaii, most of the time in vegas with WH's sister. it was nice to kick back and not do much of anything at all except buy overpriced maternity clothes and feel out of place being a pregnant woman in a casino.

so now we're living in his parents' house (they're out of town for about a month) and have yet to even unpack. most of our stuff is getting delivered next week and we have no place to move it to. my parents have been here for the past week and a half and they've been looking at places with us, so hopefully in the next couple of months or so we'll have somewhere to go. I'll be back at work in a couple of weeks, which I'm not so much looking forward to as just wanting to kill some time and make some money before the baby comes. oh well.

there have been a few revelations on my part, and though I won't go into detail as to how they came about, here they are:

I'm not quite ready to be pregnant. it makes me feel like I'm no longer allowed to do the things that I like and everyone will think I'm suddenly boring or don't belong at the places I want to be.

I will never be ok with WH and his ex (my best friend) having anything to do with each other again, which includes them being in the same room together. the thought of the two of them together still occasionally plays itself over in my mind for no reason when I really don't want it to, and then I hate everyone.

all of that being said, I'm very excited to meet my first child and to be a mother. hopefully a good one : )