after the fact...wedded bliss
fourteen months of planning, and it's over in 12 hours, including prep time. whirlwind is about the only way to crudely describe the experience. and I have to say, the first few days of being married brought me a lot of "firsts." I'm not going to exactly enumerate them, but read on and I'm sure you'll pick them out.
I've spoken to so many women, and read a lot of articles about how most brides (I don't know about the grooms, not that they pay much attention anyway) don't remember much of their wedding day because of the overwhelming emotions. I never thought I'd be that kind of bride. I'm a fly-off-the-handle kinda girl, but not sentimental and weepy. unfortunately, sentimental and weepy isn't exactly the emotions I needed to prepare myself for. I didn't cry from the minute I woke up, I was fine as I was getting ready, having my hair and makeup done, having my matron of honor (she did very well!) zip up my dress and help with my shoes. I didn't cry as my father walked me down the aisle, or even when I hugged him as he gave me away. I blubbered a bit through the vows, but no tears! mainly because it didn't seem real.
I've been planning this for so long, and putting so much time and effort into every last detail, that it was nearly impossible to realize that it was here and upon me. It was almost like a dress rehearsal. but so, so beautiful.
hawaii has been amidst a deluge of rain for over 40 days. but for whatever reasons, saturdays seem to be clear. there were a few clouds, but such an amazing view for my wedding. since it had rained before the ground was wet and muddy and I was tip-toeing around to keep my 3" heels from sinking into the rain-soaked ground. but not a drop of rain. amazing...
there was no chance to get a rehearsal done, so it was mainly lining people up and giving some quick instructions as we were all about to make the long trek. the bridesmaids and groomsmen introduced themselves immediately before they were to walk. the order got royally messed up, and one bridesmaid had a very wrong shade of red dress that stood out from everyone else's perfectly matched reds. the younger ring bearer and flower girl were a mess of tears and screaming. the flower girl stood in front of us in the aisle and refused to move as we were beginning the recessional. it was perfect. all the little idiosyncrases that made it our wedding were perfect. of course the photographers got a running shot-by-shot of my face getting out of the car and realizing that the ceremony was supposed to start at 10:30 and it was currently 11:15; seeing the groomsmen's shirts and absolutely hating the color, as well as the groomsmen in the wrong leis; seeing a stain on my matron of honor's dress and drying to brush it off as I was supposed to be heading towards the entrace area. and then her looking me right in the eye and telling me that none of it mattered and to just breathe. and I did. and I loved it.
the music at the reception wasn't all perfect, and becaues of the rain we couldn't get any of the flowers I wanted and so found others, but nobody knew except for me. they all were too busy enjoying the fabulous food, cute little hand-fan favors, mimosas, bellinis, cocktails, dancing, beautiful weather, gorgeous view...all of it rolled into one amazing package. nobody knew but me. and I wouldn't trade that for anything, not even a chance to make everything exactly what I wanted it to be in the first place.
would I do it all over again? NOT A CHANCE! how do you improve upon that one day? I really couldn't have asked for a better wedding. of course the nearly intolerable stress, lack of sleep, and absolute inability to eat for the month preceding the day aren't anything I would ever subject anyone to, and nothing I care to reprise.
but all in all, my matron of honor and wedding planner pulled through when it really counted. I fit the dress and didn't look like I was big enough to warrant my own gravitational pull. I didn't trip, say anything stupid, and no one got hurt or embarrasing. we had a nice little gathering of friends in our lavish (and I do mean lavish) hotel suite that evening - and I wore my veil the entire time, because when the hell am I going to wear a veil again? the first night of married sex, however, horrible.
I didn't think it was possible to be so exhausted it was like being totally trashed and blacking out. I don't remember much of what happened once everyone left (we were finishing off some of the leftover wine from the reception and the bottle of sake I was "sipping" from before the ceremony, but I really wasn't drunk). but, I think out of obligation, WH thought it necessary for us to...um...make it official I guess. I hate the word "consummate." we were both just so tired and neither could really finish what was started. I honestly almost fell asleep in the middle of it. he was really trying to bring me to screaming tears of ecstasy, when all I wanted was to roll over and pass out. I literally ended up crying over how much I hated it. luckily he never knew. after that...good Lord I've never...oh the things I've never done until now.
we moved to a much, much more affordable hotel for the second night after the wedding. a few friends came over for drinks, and one girl insisted that we had to go to the beach. so we went to the beach and attempted swimming, but it was cold and no one wanted to have to walk back in soaking wet clothes. so another girl mentioned that she had never gone skinny dipping before. funny, neither had I! in a matter of 10 minutes we had talked everyone into stripping off their clothes and joining us au natural in the deeper water. it was so freaking cold, and everyone was ducking down as much as possible, but I have to say it was worth it just for the memory!
the next day was fairly low key for awhile. we couldn't sleep in, so got up and had breakfast, then met up with our friend/officiant to sign the marriage certificate. of course I put my maiden name instead of my married name, but it seems like a common mistake. we had no witnesses at this point, so I figured I'd get my friend, whom I was meeting up with for lunch, to sign. we all went and had drinks, then WH went to meet his brother for lunch, and my friend and I went for lunch on our own. and had more drinks. and WH met up with us, and had more drinks.
I had realized a few days before this, 2 days before the wedding to be exact, that I'm platonically in love with a woman, my friend and WH's ex. yes, that's possible, I know because I'm in the midst of it! so the thursday before the wedding, at my "girls' night" out at the sake lounge, after many, many sakes, I realize this. and she and I got a bit tipsy and made out in the bathroom. so cliche, I know. but always worth it! immediately after returning from skinny dipping with my brand new husband and his friends, I decide to tell him this, which he thinks is the greatest news he's gotten since I accepted his marriage proposal. hence him cutting lunch with his brother down to the shortest time possible and racing to meet her and me at our lunch, and ordering us more drinks.
being in love with two people in two completely different ways isn't as confusing or awkward as you would think. but having the connection and relationship that I do with both of them, it makes it just natural for it to flow into a sexually loving relationship. I was somehow ok with the fact that I was more or less sharing my husband, since they had been together long before I was around. they're both very caring people, and never manipulative. to be perfectly honest, it was my idea and I would never go back on it or trade it for the world. it still doesn't seem strange or wrong, and I almost find it funny how I still have no problem with it. I have to admit that I did have a bout of jealousy when after the fact, the two of them were still very loving towards each other. in my mind, things had ended, focus on me. right?? there really is no end to my depths of self-centeredness. for almost the next 24 hours I didn't speak to my husband. had I managed to facilitate the re-ignition of their past relationship? could he still have sex with me without having to think of that experience? was he now regretting getting married? luckily, she called me, and told me to talk to him, tell him what I'm thinking, and actually let him know what's going on in my head. never once did I feel any negative feelings towards her. I was afraid I had scared her, but still didn't regret anything that had happened. so I talked to him. well, waited for him to ask me what was wrong (hello, I'm a girl). and he had the perfect explanation. had it just been over, truncated and done with, it would have been completely counter to the reason why it happened in the first place. we all love each other and it was something very natural to come of such close relationships to each other. for him to not hold both of us, kiss both of us, after would have entirely cheapened the experience and turned it into something more like debauchery than love. and he's right. just sitting there awkwardly would definitely had made at least one of us girls (of course not him, he just got to watch two women making out) regret it, probably both of us. but, to be honest, it really was amazing. it wasn't repeated, probably out of fear of actually cheapening it, but it was a wonderful experience. and he can still have sex with me without thinking about it...or so he says...he is a guy, after all.
we ended up staying a few extra days, because why not? I had taken the week off of work and would only miss one additional day. it continued to pour down rain, but we just did nothing (except have sex and have meals) and it was perfect. I really hope he doesn't expect to keep up the sexual marathon we seem to be having, I don't know if I can handle this pace for long, but for two newlyweds, who would expect otherwise?
I can't tell you just how much of a turn on it is to look at him and know that he's my husband. he really is mine and will be for our lives. he loves me that much. I didn't think it was possible to love him more than I did before the wedding, but this is a completely new and deeper feeling than I even knew existed. I'm sure it's the post-wedding glow, but I really, really hope it never fades.
I've spoken to so many women, and read a lot of articles about how most brides (I don't know about the grooms, not that they pay much attention anyway) don't remember much of their wedding day because of the overwhelming emotions. I never thought I'd be that kind of bride. I'm a fly-off-the-handle kinda girl, but not sentimental and weepy. unfortunately, sentimental and weepy isn't exactly the emotions I needed to prepare myself for. I didn't cry from the minute I woke up, I was fine as I was getting ready, having my hair and makeup done, having my matron of honor (she did very well!) zip up my dress and help with my shoes. I didn't cry as my father walked me down the aisle, or even when I hugged him as he gave me away. I blubbered a bit through the vows, but no tears! mainly because it didn't seem real.
I've been planning this for so long, and putting so much time and effort into every last detail, that it was nearly impossible to realize that it was here and upon me. It was almost like a dress rehearsal. but so, so beautiful.
hawaii has been amidst a deluge of rain for over 40 days. but for whatever reasons, saturdays seem to be clear. there were a few clouds, but such an amazing view for my wedding. since it had rained before the ground was wet and muddy and I was tip-toeing around to keep my 3" heels from sinking into the rain-soaked ground. but not a drop of rain. amazing...
there was no chance to get a rehearsal done, so it was mainly lining people up and giving some quick instructions as we were all about to make the long trek. the bridesmaids and groomsmen introduced themselves immediately before they were to walk. the order got royally messed up, and one bridesmaid had a very wrong shade of red dress that stood out from everyone else's perfectly matched reds. the younger ring bearer and flower girl were a mess of tears and screaming. the flower girl stood in front of us in the aisle and refused to move as we were beginning the recessional. it was perfect. all the little idiosyncrases that made it our wedding were perfect. of course the photographers got a running shot-by-shot of my face getting out of the car and realizing that the ceremony was supposed to start at 10:30 and it was currently 11:15; seeing the groomsmen's shirts and absolutely hating the color, as well as the groomsmen in the wrong leis; seeing a stain on my matron of honor's dress and drying to brush it off as I was supposed to be heading towards the entrace area. and then her looking me right in the eye and telling me that none of it mattered and to just breathe. and I did. and I loved it.
the music at the reception wasn't all perfect, and becaues of the rain we couldn't get any of the flowers I wanted and so found others, but nobody knew except for me. they all were too busy enjoying the fabulous food, cute little hand-fan favors, mimosas, bellinis, cocktails, dancing, beautiful weather, gorgeous view...all of it rolled into one amazing package. nobody knew but me. and I wouldn't trade that for anything, not even a chance to make everything exactly what I wanted it to be in the first place.
would I do it all over again? NOT A CHANCE! how do you improve upon that one day? I really couldn't have asked for a better wedding. of course the nearly intolerable stress, lack of sleep, and absolute inability to eat for the month preceding the day aren't anything I would ever subject anyone to, and nothing I care to reprise.
but all in all, my matron of honor and wedding planner pulled through when it really counted. I fit the dress and didn't look like I was big enough to warrant my own gravitational pull. I didn't trip, say anything stupid, and no one got hurt or embarrasing. we had a nice little gathering of friends in our lavish (and I do mean lavish) hotel suite that evening - and I wore my veil the entire time, because when the hell am I going to wear a veil again? the first night of married sex, however, horrible.
I didn't think it was possible to be so exhausted it was like being totally trashed and blacking out. I don't remember much of what happened once everyone left (we were finishing off some of the leftover wine from the reception and the bottle of sake I was "sipping" from before the ceremony, but I really wasn't drunk). but, I think out of obligation, WH thought it necessary for us to...um...make it official I guess. I hate the word "consummate." we were both just so tired and neither could really finish what was started. I honestly almost fell asleep in the middle of it. he was really trying to bring me to screaming tears of ecstasy, when all I wanted was to roll over and pass out. I literally ended up crying over how much I hated it. luckily he never knew. after that...good Lord I've never...oh the things I've never done until now.
we moved to a much, much more affordable hotel for the second night after the wedding. a few friends came over for drinks, and one girl insisted that we had to go to the beach. so we went to the beach and attempted swimming, but it was cold and no one wanted to have to walk back in soaking wet clothes. so another girl mentioned that she had never gone skinny dipping before. funny, neither had I! in a matter of 10 minutes we had talked everyone into stripping off their clothes and joining us au natural in the deeper water. it was so freaking cold, and everyone was ducking down as much as possible, but I have to say it was worth it just for the memory!
the next day was fairly low key for awhile. we couldn't sleep in, so got up and had breakfast, then met up with our friend/officiant to sign the marriage certificate. of course I put my maiden name instead of my married name, but it seems like a common mistake. we had no witnesses at this point, so I figured I'd get my friend, whom I was meeting up with for lunch, to sign. we all went and had drinks, then WH went to meet his brother for lunch, and my friend and I went for lunch on our own. and had more drinks. and WH met up with us, and had more drinks.
I had realized a few days before this, 2 days before the wedding to be exact, that I'm platonically in love with a woman, my friend and WH's ex. yes, that's possible, I know because I'm in the midst of it! so the thursday before the wedding, at my "girls' night" out at the sake lounge, after many, many sakes, I realize this. and she and I got a bit tipsy and made out in the bathroom. so cliche, I know. but always worth it! immediately after returning from skinny dipping with my brand new husband and his friends, I decide to tell him this, which he thinks is the greatest news he's gotten since I accepted his marriage proposal. hence him cutting lunch with his brother down to the shortest time possible and racing to meet her and me at our lunch, and ordering us more drinks.
being in love with two people in two completely different ways isn't as confusing or awkward as you would think. but having the connection and relationship that I do with both of them, it makes it just natural for it to flow into a sexually loving relationship. I was somehow ok with the fact that I was more or less sharing my husband, since they had been together long before I was around. they're both very caring people, and never manipulative. to be perfectly honest, it was my idea and I would never go back on it or trade it for the world. it still doesn't seem strange or wrong, and I almost find it funny how I still have no problem with it. I have to admit that I did have a bout of jealousy when after the fact, the two of them were still very loving towards each other. in my mind, things had ended, focus on me. right?? there really is no end to my depths of self-centeredness. for almost the next 24 hours I didn't speak to my husband. had I managed to facilitate the re-ignition of their past relationship? could he still have sex with me without having to think of that experience? was he now regretting getting married? luckily, she called me, and told me to talk to him, tell him what I'm thinking, and actually let him know what's going on in my head. never once did I feel any negative feelings towards her. I was afraid I had scared her, but still didn't regret anything that had happened. so I talked to him. well, waited for him to ask me what was wrong (hello, I'm a girl). and he had the perfect explanation. had it just been over, truncated and done with, it would have been completely counter to the reason why it happened in the first place. we all love each other and it was something very natural to come of such close relationships to each other. for him to not hold both of us, kiss both of us, after would have entirely cheapened the experience and turned it into something more like debauchery than love. and he's right. just sitting there awkwardly would definitely had made at least one of us girls (of course not him, he just got to watch two women making out) regret it, probably both of us. but, to be honest, it really was amazing. it wasn't repeated, probably out of fear of actually cheapening it, but it was a wonderful experience. and he can still have sex with me without thinking about it...or so he says...he is a guy, after all.
we ended up staying a few extra days, because why not? I had taken the week off of work and would only miss one additional day. it continued to pour down rain, but we just did nothing (except have sex and have meals) and it was perfect. I really hope he doesn't expect to keep up the sexual marathon we seem to be having, I don't know if I can handle this pace for long, but for two newlyweds, who would expect otherwise?
I can't tell you just how much of a turn on it is to look at him and know that he's my husband. he really is mine and will be for our lives. he loves me that much. I didn't think it was possible to love him more than I did before the wedding, but this is a completely new and deeper feeling than I even knew existed. I'm sure it's the post-wedding glow, but I really, really hope it never fades.
posted by nakedbride at 8:50 PM
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