The feminist takes a husband
as a tangent to my immediately previous bitchfest, here's what my fiance did right:
he made me feel like a desirable woman.
I've felt attractive, I've felt beautiful, ugly, repulsive, fat, slim, sexy, almost every feeling related to the female sex, but always like a girl. this was the first time that I've felt like a sensual, almost maternal, woman. the slight heft to my thighs is the perfect size to be warm and inviting; the roundness of my stomach is soft and feminine; none of it is out of place or superfluous. this feeling is difficult to acheive and even more impossible to keep hold of.
needless to say, as of this morning I'm back to wondering how I'll ever look like anything but a giant thigh poured into a white dress. part of the problem is that I'm only five feet tall...not a lot places for the fat to go. bridal magazines are only exacerbating the problem. seeing a woman who's 5'10" and 120 pounds is vastly different from someone who's 5'0" and 120 pounds. put them side by side in the same dress, and you'll feel my pain.
but this idea that my roundness is what makes me "just like a woman should be," as my man tells me, runs completely counter to what I have convinced myself I should look like, or even act like.
I have always believed myself to be a staunch feminist. I will not wear skirts or flash my cleavage. I won't be shy or quiet and everyone will know my opinion the second it comes into my head. I will get my way and enjoy the journey there. I can be a man and be better than a man because I'm a woman. and realize how little sense that makes.
basically, I thought that being a feminist meant being a man in a woman's body. I don't mean sexually, but by refusing to be what donna reed was: a homemaker without a job, whose sole meaning in life was to take care of her family. In my mind, being a housewife meant I was worthless.
in college I read julian of norwich, the first real feminist by modern defintion. I can't remember ever being more disappointed. she believed that a woman should be proud of being a woman, so far so good. being a woman meant being a good wife and taking care of your husband. there was obviously much more to it than that, but that's pretty much what I boiled it down to. I refused to accept that ideal of womanhood.
but why? shouldn't being a feminist mean embracing everything that makes you a woman, everything that differentiates women from men? the skirts, the breasts, the long plaited pigtails, everything sweet and soft and feminine - I think that's what I did my best to shun.
I think I missed the entire point of feminism. not being able to open a jar doesn't make me any less of a feminist; believing that I inherently cannot understand the basics of construction, does. thinking I can run a marathon in the same time as a man, despite biological and anatomical differences, just means that I'm confusing being a feminist with being a man.
when Silence of the Lambs came out I convinced myself that it was my favorite movie because it was strong and gory and something a man would like. Dirty Dancing was my dirty little secret. anything lovey-dovey, touchy-feely was something I wasn't allowed to enjoy because I'm a feminist. I'm finally getting to the point where I will tell anyone who listens that I LOVE DIRTY DANCING, I LIKE CHEESEY CHICK FLICKS AND I HATE GORY MOVIES!
enjoying my soft and womanly body, my vulnerability, how much I love disney movies and dressing up and wearing makeup is something I'm just beginning to embrace. I know it sounds strange, but my misunderstood definition of feminism meant that I was afraid to be girly and feminine, and kept me from knowing who I am. I still don't wear skirts, and my fiance thinks that if I give up on the "Weddingfest 2006" that I'm attempting to plan that he'll never get to see me in a dress again. and he might be right, but you never know. I'm getting there.
of course it took a man to make me realize how much of a woman I am, and to realize that being a feminist means that I can wear a dress and high heels and that doesn't lower my IQ or make me worthless. wanting to take care of my family is just a different career path than becoming an attorney and devoting my life to the office and money. I'm still not sure it's the right career for me, but at least I can consider it and not feel like a failure in life. and if my husband wants to stay home and take care of the kids while I work, just as appealing! I'm finally getting comfortable with the idea that I can be donna reed and be a feminist at the same time.
he made me feel like a desirable woman.
I've felt attractive, I've felt beautiful, ugly, repulsive, fat, slim, sexy, almost every feeling related to the female sex, but always like a girl. this was the first time that I've felt like a sensual, almost maternal, woman. the slight heft to my thighs is the perfect size to be warm and inviting; the roundness of my stomach is soft and feminine; none of it is out of place or superfluous. this feeling is difficult to acheive and even more impossible to keep hold of.
needless to say, as of this morning I'm back to wondering how I'll ever look like anything but a giant thigh poured into a white dress. part of the problem is that I'm only five feet tall...not a lot places for the fat to go. bridal magazines are only exacerbating the problem. seeing a woman who's 5'10" and 120 pounds is vastly different from someone who's 5'0" and 120 pounds. put them side by side in the same dress, and you'll feel my pain.
but this idea that my roundness is what makes me "just like a woman should be," as my man tells me, runs completely counter to what I have convinced myself I should look like, or even act like.
I have always believed myself to be a staunch feminist. I will not wear skirts or flash my cleavage. I won't be shy or quiet and everyone will know my opinion the second it comes into my head. I will get my way and enjoy the journey there. I can be a man and be better than a man because I'm a woman. and realize how little sense that makes.
basically, I thought that being a feminist meant being a man in a woman's body. I don't mean sexually, but by refusing to be what donna reed was: a homemaker without a job, whose sole meaning in life was to take care of her family. In my mind, being a housewife meant I was worthless.
in college I read julian of norwich, the first real feminist by modern defintion. I can't remember ever being more disappointed. she believed that a woman should be proud of being a woman, so far so good. being a woman meant being a good wife and taking care of your husband. there was obviously much more to it than that, but that's pretty much what I boiled it down to. I refused to accept that ideal of womanhood.
but why? shouldn't being a feminist mean embracing everything that makes you a woman, everything that differentiates women from men? the skirts, the breasts, the long plaited pigtails, everything sweet and soft and feminine - I think that's what I did my best to shun.
I think I missed the entire point of feminism. not being able to open a jar doesn't make me any less of a feminist; believing that I inherently cannot understand the basics of construction, does. thinking I can run a marathon in the same time as a man, despite biological and anatomical differences, just means that I'm confusing being a feminist with being a man.
when Silence of the Lambs came out I convinced myself that it was my favorite movie because it was strong and gory and something a man would like. Dirty Dancing was my dirty little secret. anything lovey-dovey, touchy-feely was something I wasn't allowed to enjoy because I'm a feminist. I'm finally getting to the point where I will tell anyone who listens that I LOVE DIRTY DANCING, I LIKE CHEESEY CHICK FLICKS AND I HATE GORY MOVIES!
enjoying my soft and womanly body, my vulnerability, how much I love disney movies and dressing up and wearing makeup is something I'm just beginning to embrace. I know it sounds strange, but my misunderstood definition of feminism meant that I was afraid to be girly and feminine, and kept me from knowing who I am. I still don't wear skirts, and my fiance thinks that if I give up on the "Weddingfest 2006" that I'm attempting to plan that he'll never get to see me in a dress again. and he might be right, but you never know. I'm getting there.
of course it took a man to make me realize how much of a woman I am, and to realize that being a feminist means that I can wear a dress and high heels and that doesn't lower my IQ or make me worthless. wanting to take care of my family is just a different career path than becoming an attorney and devoting my life to the office and money. I'm still not sure it's the right career for me, but at least I can consider it and not feel like a failure in life. and if my husband wants to stay home and take care of the kids while I work, just as appealing! I'm finally getting comfortable with the idea that I can be donna reed and be a feminist at the same time.
posted by nakedbride at 3:50 PM
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